Frank
Hello, this is Frank.
Here’s Part 2 of the free preview from my parody novella, Katta Aita: The Man Who Aimed for Eiken Grade 1.
This is unapologetically a parody. If you’re the type who takes life too seriously or gets offended easily, I highly recommend you don’t read any further.
But if you’re in for some good, silly fun—enjoy the ride!
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Wednesday, August 3rd. Clear skies.
Katta, finishing work sluggishly as usual, blended into the crowd of salarymen and office ladies rushing home. He boarded the front car of the Hankyu line at Umeda, as it was closest to the exit at his stop, Kiyoshikōjin.
“Aaah…”
With a half-sigh and a drawn-out yawn, he glanced at his reflection in the window. “What am I even doing with my life?” he muttered to himself.
Reaching into the right pocket of his coat, he felt the English book he’d bought yesterday: “Yoshita Jordan’s Wild ‘n’ Crazy English”. He opened to the preface.
“Hey, non-cool kid—this book is your Columbus. You’ve discovered a new world. Or maybe it’s your Hakkenden. Did that make you laugh?”
Katta chuckled, despite himself.
“It’s all a gamble! Like ‘Hakke Yoi—nokotta!’”
What on earth was that supposed to mean?
“You don’t get it, do you? Language is just ‘Transmission Achako!’”
The jokes felt outdated. He was about to close the book—when bold red Gothic letters suddenly popped out:
If this hits home, you better keep reading.
Startled, he quickly turned the page.
“Ever had a foreigner ask you, ‘Where panst? Where panst?’ and you replied, ‘No mind, no mind’?”
Katta squinted.
“Actually, they were saying, ‘Where’s the bus stop?’”
It was a genuine lightbulb moment. Eyes gleaming, Katta flipped the page excitedly.
“Sir, this is the last stop.”
Snapping out of it, he realized he had missed his station and ended up at the line’s terminal, Takarazuka. That was a first in his life—missing a stop because he got too into a book.
He arrived home about fifteen minutes later than usual.
“What happened?” his wife, Naiyo, asked with concern.
“Missed my stop.”
“Dinner’s ready—it’s instant ‘Moonrise Fried Noodles’ tonight.”
“Oh.”
He entered their tiny, stuffy 4.5-tatami room, sweat already forming on his brow. Despite normally being frugal, he turned on the fan without hesitation.
Stripping down to just his underwear, he pulled out the English book again.
“Chapter 1: Wait—are you actually reading Chapter 1? Incredible! That’s a cosmic event, like the SOFA Agreement or a meteor strike. Most people toss this book after the preface. But you? You’ve just joined the one-in-a-million elite.”
“Hey, we don’t have any vegetables,” said Naiyo from the kitchen.
“Yeah.”
“Here’s Today’s Quote: ‘If life doesn’t move you, don’t even try learning a language!’ Not impressed? Then Kansai folks, take a bamboo sword to Kanto! And Kanto folks… well, no punchline yet. Wait—I got it. You’ll get disowned.”
Another dumb joke. Slightly irritated, Katta didn’t close the book this time. He had a sense of pride now—he was the one-in-a-million reader.
“But wait—there’s hope even for the unfeeling. That hope is—”
“Hope?” he repeated aloud.
“Are you on a business trip tomorrow?” asked Naiyo.
“Huh?”
“You said ‘Nozomi’—thought you meant the bullet train.”
Her old-school pun was oddly comforting to Katta.
“Yes, go to the Big Apple—New York, baby!”
Wait—what? Katta thought. Isn’t this book meant for people who ‘can’t’ go abroad to study English? Then what’s the point of telling readers to fly to NYC?
He grew frustrated.
“Dinner’s ready,” Naiyo called out.
As he was about to close the book again, something mysterious happened—a second uncanny coincidence.
To read the rest, click below:
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