Frank
Hello, this is Frank.
Let me introduce Part 1 of my short parody novel series: “Katta Aita: The Man Who Aimed for Eiken Grade 1.”
This is a full-blown parody. If you’re the kind of person who takes everything seriously and gets offended easily, please do not read it. You’ve been warned.
Otherwise, dive in and enjoy the ridiculousness!
【Synopsis】
Katta Aita is a worn-out salaryman whose life changes when he randomly buys a book titled “Let’s Go English by Jordan Yoshita”. What starts as a casual read slowly transforms into an obsession with passing the Eiken Grade 1 test. Along the way, he meets fellow learners, receives questionable advice from a bizarre language school, and ends up taking the test. But who will pass?
This quirky parody novel is especially popular among readers with blood type B. Packed with dad jokes and written in a light, cheeky tone, this 45,695-word tale (about 114 pages in manuscript form) marks a hilariously oddball debut.
※ Disclaimer ※
- This is NOT a study guide or textbook for passing the Eiken® Grade 1 test.
- If you enjoy the free preview parts [1/3], [2/3], and [3/3] and want more, you can purchase the full version here.
- Though it says “preview,” you’re free to sit down and read. But if you find it boring, standing might help keep you awake.
- Loaded with dad jokes, this story may cause serious irritation for overly serious readers. Purchase at your own risk.
It was just past 7:30 p.m. when the doorbell rang intermittently.
“I’m home,” a voice barely louder than a mosquito whispered.
Katta Aita returned home ten minutes late.
“Oh, it’s just you. I thought someone outside farted,” said his wife Naiyo, turning her head 45 degrees from the kitchen sink.
They lived in a shabby apartment with ¥10,000 rent—a place so small, it took mere seconds to verify her husband’s return.
“Looks like you went to Exhaustion High School today,” she quipped.
“Yeah.” Aita barely reacted.
“What’s up? You usually laugh at that one,” she said, hanging his wrinkled suit jacket.
“Haaah…” He sighed deeply.
Katta Aita, 35, lives with his wife, four years younger. They’ve been married for seven years and have no children—not because they don’t want any, but because “night operations” have become a chore.
A literature graduate from a private university, Aita worked at a small ad agency—until it went bankrupt and the president vanished. With no job or destination, he floated from part-time work to part-time work until landing a job at a small chemical company thanks to a friend’s coffee shop connection.
The only saving grace? No overtime. Home by 7:30 like clockwork.
“What’s this in your pocket?”
Naiyo pulled out a brightly colored pocket-sized book.
“Let’s Go English by Jordan Yoshita” (Yomenai Publishing)
“This guy looks shady. Even the publisher’s name sounds depressing,” she said, eyeing the bio.
“It’s just something I picked up, alright?”
The smell of curry filled the tiny two-room apartment. It was Tuesday, August 2nd.
Aita silently began eating, not even turning on the TV.
“Can you not clank your spoon like that? That clack-clack sound is driving me clack-clack crazy!”
He ignored her dad joke completely.
His company, One-man Chemical, had nothing to do with globalization. It manufactured soldering machines for electronic parts and had a barren office with just three salesmen in Nagoya.
The company president, Mr. Niki Sakuzou, was a leftover from Japan’s high-growth era—a small man packed with energy, once a top salesman at a firm called “Haraguro Electric.”
When bored, he’d often show up at Aita’s desk just to ramble.
“Aita-kun, yesterday on the way here, a foreigner stopped me near the subway station. He was this tall!”
Niki raised his hand as high as possible and stood on tiptoe.
“He said to me, ‘Wear pantyhose? Wear pantyhose?’ I studied some English back in college, so I knew—‘wear’ means put on, and ‘pantyhose’ is… well, pantyhose. I thought he was a pervert! So I told him, ‘No mind, no mind!’ And he walked away.”
The managing director adjusted his glasses. “President, lots of weirdos these days. Be careful.”
Aita couldn’t believe what he was hearing—but of course, he couldn’t say that out loud.
“President, your listening comprehension is impressive,” he said, lying through his teeth.
Want to read more? Get the full version below (Japanese):
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新品価格 |
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Thank you for reading today.
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